Friday, 25 May 2012

Somethings gotta give

It is crazy town in our house at the moment... My husbands work is slow and I have been picking up extra days at school to supplement the income... In doing so I have also decided to mark national exam papers for the next 2 1/2 weeks at night and on weekends... This means on the days I also teach during the day and go straight to marking, I am away from the house for 15 hours... It means that I see my daughter for 1 hour a day, and this is breaking my heart...

I never forget how fortunate we have been that I have been able to avoid working full time since having Ayda... But I have now seen the story from the other side and my heart goes out to all those mums that are forced back into work before they are ready.... It's tough... I feel tired and grumpy and overwhelmed with all the jobs that need doing... I feel disconnected from Ayda... She is going to my husband for things that she used to only come to me for... Its been such a lovely experience for my husband... He is so enjoying getting to know his daughter on a new level and bond with her the way I have been able to ... And Ayda is just thrilled to have so much Daddy time... So for that I am glad that we have been able to swap roles for a time... But I am counting down the days when things will settle and return to what was...

In saying all of that I realised yesterday that sometimes we cant do it all, that somethings have to give... So give they did!  I ignored the 4 baskets of washing, the sink load of dishes and the gritty floors and instead laid on the bed reading stories with Ayda.... We played doctors and had a tea party and finished off the morning with a trip to the park... I reconnected and made sure she knew that Mummy was still here, still present and still completely in love with her... I let her have her day sleep on our bed so I could curl up next to her and stroke her hair as she drifted off... I would leave for marking before she woke up so I wanted to breathe in every second of her...

The jobs will always be there, but time with my toddler is numbered and I don't want to wake up one day to a 16 year old and regret that I didn't soak up those early years... Today is about baking biscuits, building block towers and painting!  More fun than laundry thats for sure!

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for stopping by my blog! Glad to hear you took some time with Ayda - I agree the household chores will ALWAYS be there!

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  2. Time with those babies that you fight so hard to have is ...... absolutely ....... the........ best :) Enjoy!!!

    Happy ICLW from #3

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