Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Babies and the beach

It has been a crazy week.... Not a lot of down time or chilling at home, but it's been nice catching up with friends and celebrating life...

Last week we had the pleasure of meeting our friends newborn... Ayda took to mothering like a duck to water, holding the bottle carefully, touching her little hands and feet and stroking her head gently as she drifted off to sleep...




As I watched her put her finger to her lips 'shhhh-ing' everyone around her as not to wake baby Olivia, I started to get that familiar ache in my chest.... My throat started to tighten....I felt the beginnings of tears in my eyes.... She really would have made a wonderful big sister... And oh how that saddens me to think that neither she will get the chance to dote on her own little brother or sister, or that they will ever get to know the extent of her love as a bigger sibling....



I know a few friends who are all due to have babies towards the end of the year.... Some are having their first and some are not... I feel so excited for them... The thought of holding that precious new life in your arms, breathing in that new born smell, stroking that soft skin.... But I also feel immensely jealous... I wish it was me... I wish it was my body getting sick in the mornings and heartburn in the evenings.... I wish it was us planning out nursery's and debating over names... But its not, so I have two choices that I can see... Either shut myself off and become bitter and resentful... Or I can use this as an opportunity to get my new born fix... Support my friends through those hard first weeks.... And hold their precious little babies close, whispering love into their little ears... The latter seems so much more inviting...




We finished the long weekend off at the beach...It was the perfect Australian Autumn day.... Clear blue skies, warm sun with a fresh breeze... We loaded the eskies, sand toys and swimmers and set up camp under the mangroves.... I watch Ayda be 'mothered' by our friends eldest girl, play with our other friends sons, fighting over buckets and spades and I realised that we are blessed... Ayda will not get the chance to have biological siblings, this is true... But man does she have some amazing 'family' around her... She will never miss out of that feeling of being protected by 'an older brother' at a sleazy bar, or have someone to play hairdressers with and shop for formal dresses... She will always be surrounded by our friends beautiful children and really isn't that just as good?  What a lucky girl she is...


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